I'm so frustrated right now. This blog WILL consist of me complaining, so if you don't want to hear it..don't read on.

I'm frustrated because every place we have lived in since marriage has had issues and been below average. Our very first apartment had central air (++++) but we had very loud neighbors above us; we lived there for a year. Then we moved into a trailer when my daughter was around 10 months old. The trailer had 3 BR & 1 1/2 bath, which was great, but the furnace didn't work very well and we didn't have the money to fix it (we owned the trailer) So we had windown AC units during summer but during the winter we LIVED in the living room. We had to block off one hallway by nailing a blanket up to block off cold air..and we did the same on the other hallway past where the kitchen was. We used oil-filled space heaters that barely kept it warm enough. I can remember when my son was born I slept on one couch, my husband slept in the recliner, and our daughter slept on the other couch..our son's crib was crammed in the living room and we had two space heaters plugged in. I worried so much about my kids not being warm enough, especially my newborn son but there was no other option. And after I had my son, family & friends wanted to stop by and visit, so we would have to take the blankets down from the hallways, turn the oven on and leave the oven door open for awhile before people stopped by..to make it warmer in there. It was embarrassing. We lived there for almost 4 years.

After the trailer, we moved to an older farm house in the country. We loved that the house was huge and had beautiful wooden floors etc BUT the house was old and very damp. We couldn't use the basement because mold was everywhere down there, although our washer/dryer hookup was in the basement. Our one bathroom was also very damp and I found mold growing around the toilet bowl and the ceiling. I also found mold all along the windowsills. The tile in our shower started falling off due to the dampness and right before we moved out, we had issues with termites. I remember getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and having termites flying around attacking me. We told the landlord and he did have a new shower wall installed. But nothing was done about the mold; he just told me to buy a bottle of mold/mildew spray and clean everything really well. We were constantly sick while living there.

At that time, my husband was laid-off from his job so we made the decision to move in with my parents until we could get back on our feet. We didn't know what else to do..I was attending college full-time and my husband was told that it would be at least a year until his electrical union could find him more work. I am truely thankful that my parent's let us move in with them, but it was the worst 6 months of my life. My parents live in a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom trailer. The only positive was that we had our own bathroom with our own shower. My parents obviously had a larger bedroom with a master bath. Our bedroom was probably the size of a jail cell (seriously) and the bathroom was so small that the sink was right next to the toilet that was right next to the tub and there was room for nothing else. We put a set of bunk beds in the bedroom and one dresser and the bedroom was FULL. My parents also had a couch with a pull-out bed so we used that. We would rotate sleeping areas..one night I would sleep on the pull-out bed with my daughter, my husband would have the bottom bunk and my son the top bunk etc. I remember there were times that we would just get in our car and drive with nowhere to go because we couldn't stand being in such a confined space. And while we lived there, my two brothers would come over just about every night to eat supper...and they would stay until 10-11pm. And since we had to sleep in the living room on the pull-out couch, we couldn't go to bed until they left. And we felt bad about saying anything to them because it wasn't our house but finally we had to tell them that by 9pm they had to leave so we could get our kids to bed. And since my husband wasn't working, we were getting food stamps and my brothers would come over while we were gone at college during the day, and eat all of our food. Or we would use our food to make supper for my parents and us and my brothers would stop by and eat our food too. We finally had to lock all our groceries in our car during the day. It was frustrating and we had a lot of arguments because we only received $300/month for food for US (4 people) not the whole family so we were always running out of food. But once my husband started receiving unemployment checks, we did pay my parents a small amount of money for rent and electric..plus we did ALL of the cleaning since my parents both worked. We made sure their house was spotless. But we could only last 6 months there..it was just too small and there were so many arguements that we had to leave.

So we moved to a smaller town down the road into government-assisted apartments. The positive: the apartments were very well-kept, had AC unit in wall, at first we had to pay rent but then received a voucher to where we were paying 0 rent, they gave us a voucher for our electric so we only had to pay maybe $20/mo electric. The negative: only 2 bedroom so my son & daughter shared a room, and everyone around us were smokers so our apartment smelled like smoke and my daughter was having asthma attacks due to the smoke. So we lived there for a year and then moved, mainly because of the cigarette smoke.

And here we are at our current place. Back when I was in the LPN program, my instructor asked if I would tutor another student who wasn't doing so well. I tutored him through the whole program and wouldn't take any money for helping him. So he heard about us wanting to leave the apartments we were in and said that his dad had a place for rent, in the area that we wanted, and he gave us a really good deal on the rent. The house that this student lived in with his parents was beautiful brick well-kept house so I didn't think that the place we were going to rent would be anything less. We came over to walk through the place and the previous renter was there, along with our landlord. The previous renter was acting a little weird and said she had to leave quickly because she was getting packed to go to Florida. So the landlord wrote her a check for her deposit and she left. The landlord walked around and then opened the fridge..he said "The fridge is dirty." I didn't look in it, I just said, "I'll clean all the appliances before we use them" WELL..it took me 3 HOURS to clean the fridge. The previous renter had left old food, honey packets that exploded all over the pull-out drawers, syrup that had hardened all over the shelves etc. Plus, the previous renter told the landlord she would shampoo the carpets before leaving and she didn't..she hadn't even vacuumed the floors. It took me 3-4 days to do all of the cleaning. Come to find out, the previous renter is the head of the cafeteria at my daughter's school..uhm I'm not a person to judge but if the place looked like that and she deals with kids' meals..I would have been embarrassed to leave a place that I rented in that condition..

And it was an awkward situation because we had already given our 30 day notice at the apartments and since I was friends with the landlord's son I didn't want to jeopardize that relationship. (During the time I was tutoring him, I had talked a little with him about the Lord and found that he had a bad experience when he went to church as a youth. And there was someone he worked with who told him she was a Christian but then all she did was gossip and treat people badly and this had turned him off of God. So I felt like God had placed him in my path for a reason.) So I didn't want to start complaining about the extra cleaning that I did and act rudely. But I did mention to the landlord's son that it took me 3 hours to clean the fridge, hoping that he might give us some of our $200 deposit back for the time & supplies I used. But nothing happened.

Then, right after we moved in, we noticed that in front of the bathroom sink the floor was soft. And over a week's time, the soft spot grew larger. We told the landlord and he said that he would come look at it on a Friday...we stayed home all day Friday and he never showed. He called on Sunday and said that he was sick on Friday, that he had a couple things to do the rest of the weekend but would stop by on Tuesday, never showed. He kept doing this so finally my husband pulled up the linoleum and was planning on cutting a piece of wood to replace the soft spot. Well, the problem ended up being huge. My husband and brother got to looking around and saw that there had been a slow water leak right off the main water heater pipe for who knows how long. The whole area under our kitchen sink and cabinets was standing water, with holes all over the floor AND huge rat droppings everywhere. They called the landlord and he said THAT HE WAS BUSY AND COULDN'T MAKE IT OVER UNTIL THE NEXT DAY! So my husband and brother repaired the water leak but couldn't do anything with the standing water and holes in the floors. So right now, we still have a mess under our bathroom sink/cabinets and a huge hole in front of our bathroom sink. I actually FELL THROUGH the hole in the floor one morning when I was going to the bathroom because we had a rug covering the soft spot but when I put my weight on it, I fell through. So now we have a board and rug covering the area and have to walk around it. It's been like this for 2+ months now!! And we don't have the money to fix the floor or else we would do that and deduct it from the rent. But the whole bathroom needs gutted and redone..the floor by the tub is getting soft, the seal around the toilet is bad because we have standing water behind the toilet on the floor, that I am constantly mopping up. And there are huge gaps between the bottom of the tub and the floor..since we live out in the country, I am very worried about mice and rats getting through all of these holes. And our landlord does not communicate anything with us, but I think that he doesn't have the money to fix anything right now. I've seen certain things that lead me to believe that he is struggling financially. And I feel bad because I've been there and my husband says "We need to just give him a deadline to fix everything." And I agree (but my husband won't say anything to our landlord, I would have to) but saying that will not help anything..if he doesn't have the money, he doesn't have the money.

PLUS we were told that the central air works when we moved in. During spring, we didn't use the air because of the cooler weather but once it got really warm, we tried the air and it didn't cool anything down. And we can't just open the windows because they are old trailer windows where most of the screens are missing or damaged and the windows can't be opened. We have one window in our bedroom that can open, one in the hallway and one in the living room. Everything else is closed up. Thankfully we have a sliding door in the living room but it's old, moldy and sticks badly..plus the screen falls off the sliding door whenever we try to open it. We are using two little box fans--one in the living room and one in the hallway to TRY and cool everything off. And right now, I'm sitting here sweating SOO badly..I walked outside and it feels 30 degrees cooler outside than inside this place.

And I'm ticked off..seriously! I'm mad that we are stuck in another CRAPPY place! I'm so mad that I don't want to take a shower because in 20 minutes I'm going to need another one. I'm mad that all we can find are 2 bedroom places and my kids have to share a bedroom AGAIN. My daughter is 9, which is the age I was when I started menstruating and so I want her to have her own bedroom and privacy..and she doesn't have either in this tiny place. I'm mad because I have tried my best to focus on God and serve Him for 8 years now and I feel we deserve better than this! I'm mad because my husband is still laid off and his unemployment has run out and we don't know if he'll get an extension, so we have no income right now and we don't have hardly any gas in our vehicles..and yesterday I drove to Bath for a baby shower, and then Elida for a grad party and then Wapak for a grad party..and had no gas to drive to church!! and I have my nursing degree and have applied and applied and applied for jobs and heard nothing back. And I'm mad because it seems like everyone we know has so much and I'm fed up with it! And I'm not a material-person at all..I just want a house that functions properly and doesn't have mold or rats or things falling apart. I don't care about anything else..I don't need a brand new car or tons of money or brand new clothes! uggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

I was talking to my husband today and I told him that we need to look for another place to live..I can't stand sitting here bathed in sweat with no breeze coming through..but we have no income so we can't just go rent a place. We have just enough money in our savings to pay July's rent and that's it! And I'm thanking God and I know that He is our Provider but I hate this living penny to penny and waiting and waiting. It's like Why do some people (especially those who aren't Christians) appear to have it so easy? I am NOT perfect, but I am constantly thinking/saying "Lord, what does Your Word say about this or that?" I am trying my best to live a life that is pleasing to God. ughh I can't even type anything else, I'm so frustrated.